February 25, 2008

" Happy (alone)... "   music ; earlimart - happy alone I'm back. Where I went, I don't even know. Okay... I do, I'm just a bit too embarrassed to say what happened. The fact of it all is, hey y'all, I'm here for the time being; I'm here to take it all over once again. After much consideration, and appreciation between feedback and concern, I've decided to keep this a go. Let us just say I took some time off to think it all through, and hopefully I've grown stronger than what I'd expected. With this return I hope to build a new layout, build a bond between my hostees, and build this site as a whole. I have a decent amount of time on my hands, and I want to put it to well use. While I was gone I got a huge tax return, and spent it in a matter of three days. Sue me, I'm special =]. My wardrobe is fresh and so clean, and my shoes stay flyer than your average amerxicanisto (new word, maybe?). On top of that, my job could never be better. I work with an amazing group of individuals, and chillax in a fun place with a great discount. What more could anyone possibly ask for? ' ' mind > matter, i'm sitting on top. you listen from below, drowning in sorrow. i just can't help, i love who you are. but in order to live on, i must move on. ' ' Yes, good friends of mine, I've moved on.

January 23, 2008

" Exhale... "   music ; kate nash - foundations "She made a mistake, wanting to desperately take back the chance of a lifetime; one of the many that never existed." I played myself, believing I was truly past the wall. Thinking I can make believe this lifestyle I've desperately been seeking for. The truth of it all is I can't make it alone. While I seeked for a companion I hopelessly longed for, I gained an ambassador that took control. I've been fucked over.. over, and over, and over again. What truly hurts is while I've been fooled for the first time, I blame myself for it occurring the second, third, fourth time around. I've been fucked once again. I sought comfort, a simple friend was all I asked for. Someone to understand me--which you did for the time being--someone to encourage me, someone to share a passion of love and writing, someone to love me. "While she made the mistake to desperately take back, I made the mistake of allowing the pain to repeat once again.... now I can't let go." YOU are the reason for the demise of my joyful attitude. YOU are the reason I wake up at night wondering why you're name isn't on that phone screen. YOU are the reason I blame MYSELF for my mistakes. And I am the reason I regret every minute of it; for have I never walked through those doors, my life would never have changed for the worst. ' ' my fingertips are holding on to the cracks in our foundations. and i know that i should let go, but i can't. ' '

January 12, 2008

" Take a second look... "   music ; honorary title - stay away ' ' how are you so strong? what’s it like to feel so free? your heart is really something your love, a complete mystery to me ' ' And this time around you believed me when I said I was over you--maybe because this time around I officially meant it. I've delivered a message of courage and courtesy; I've delivered a message of truth. Now I form a structure in my face that conveys a jovial mood; no more horror, no more pain. When I see your face I can feel that empty emotion, and because of that I've moved on. I wish the best of luck, with the panic and disgrace. I wished you luck, now there's nothing left to say. I'm happy, and for once I feel alive. I can be me again... I can be who I want to be. While I've played a role of a perfect person, I was never, in my own state-of-mind, perfect; not even close to average. I can smile but this time I won't fake it. While I hid behind a mask of counterfeited laughs, I finally breath with ease, laugh with gratitude, walk with confidence. If you hide around with these bruised emotions they eventually take over, now I'm happy to be free. "She made a mistake, wanting to desperately take back the chance of a lifetime; one of the many that never existed." I'm free.

January 08, 2008

" Sweet serenity... "   music ; aqualung - something to believe in Time and time again I pleasured myself in the bruises and beating of the emotional rollercoaster you've strapped me onto. Time and time again I lied to myself, believing in the false details that you once and will always portray to me. I've deliberately swallowed my ignorance to dismiss that betrayal you've plastered onto me. The truth of the matter is I built up a wall to protect my sanctuary. Now I've escaped into a sanity free from the abuse of betrayal. And through the many tragic times I have you to thank; for the person I've become is none other than the person you've made me. This time around my life is in the open. No privacy, no friends only, no protection; I can't hide anymore. You've grown to love the artistic side of me, it's time to get to know the real side of me. Of course there's no way to leave your two cents, mainly because I want people to understand me, never judge me. I'm not calling for someone to feel sorry for me, I'm simply crawling for a way out. I have so many emotions built up inside of me, and the only way to get it all out is to let it all out. My information is MIA. So as far as you're concerned, if you've never met me before, I'm anonymous for the time being. I still want to thank, with a great amount of appreciation, the awesome Kathryn for always being there to put up with my runaway actions. Designing is a passion, and with the new year I hope to build my passions to greater things.